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I may not want to get married...

I don’t know what my real purpose is now. All my life I was just so focused to making it to the field and become a missionary myself. I was happy enough when i found out that I can finally go on a mission. I felt quite fulfilled during my mission, I even want to die there because that is my ultimate goal in life that time. But then, I went home, and now…I still live. I don’t know my purpose anymore. I did my best dated and after a lot of heartaches, I am still not fulfilling our, supposedly, ultimate purpose in life. To be married for time and eternity and bear Heavenly Father’s children. I’ve been into that position where I’m struggling…looking forward to get married and gotten so excited about it. I was almost there, almost got married for what…. 3? 4 times? But everything seems to just didn’t work out. I don’t know if Heavenly father’s purpose for me is to get married in this mortal existence or to get married in the millennium. I really don’t know. I get affected so much and im much hurtful whenever some member of the church ask me when I’m going to get married. Most of it they say as jokes. Im doing my best to just brush it off whenever jokes like that happens. The people who joke like that never really knew me or what I’ve been through or whether I did my best or still doing the best I could to finally get married. I just brush it off now but I still get sad. Then there’s a small band here playing ‘All I want for Christmas’. 3 old men with a trombone, snare drum and I can’t see the other one’s instrument. The dogs started yapping. The music made me smile and think about Christmas. They’re gone now. Christmas is coming :) that thought made me smile and at the same time…made me re-think things.
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